if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
