a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
