Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
