I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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