Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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