Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
