the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize