Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
