Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
