i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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