Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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