My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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