If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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