I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
