i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's never too late to be topless.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
