its not stalking. its research.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
