Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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