can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
