I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
