Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
