Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
