Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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