I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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