Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i am craving dick and cupcakes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
