I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
