They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
