we have pet lesbian snakes
there's paper in my vomit.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
