I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
