I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
