yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
