haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
