i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
