Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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