I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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