He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
