Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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