I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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