Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
