In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
