the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
