Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
