I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
