Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
