I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
