what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
