is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
