you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
