he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
