I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
