Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
