Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
