i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
