Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
