i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sober January is a disaster.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
