My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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