So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize