are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize