i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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