Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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