her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
