I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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