im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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