I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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