i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize