Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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