you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize