why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
