I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
