Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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