Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
