And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize