your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
