I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
