Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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