absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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