Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
