my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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