So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
