Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
