is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize