Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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